Occasionally, not often, but occasionally, I get trolls here.  When I do, on those rare occasions, unless they’ve said something actionable in a court of law, I leave them up.  I mean, I can’t possibly make them look any dumber than they have themselves.  And really, I’m hoping to inspire them to great heights (or depths) of trollness for my entertainment, because I really do find these guys funny.  Guys?  Excuse my assumed sexism, people.  But I think it’s generally a safe bet that they are guys, just because of the content of the trolling. 

One of the first actual trolls I got replied to one of my posts with, “I think someone needs to start shaving.”  My response, “I wax.”  Really, that’s the best you can come up with?  I’m a Feminist so I must be hairy?  He wasn’t even really trying. 

The next one I received felt the need to take me to task over my hatred of Windows Vista.  I found this hilarious.  The idea that MICROSOFT needs a brave defender from me.  Good Gods, people.  Microsoft could buy several small nations.  I seriously doubt that my harsh words even ding their tough, dinosaur-like hide. 

However, if Microsoft are listening I have some advice for you guys.  Put out a finished product.  See, I remember when you used to do that.  Windows 95, 98, Office 97.  Then you started the Beta testing program, where users could get free copies of things like the Office suite in beta, and they would agree to send all their feedback to Microsoft.  In return, beta testers got a reduced price on the finished product.  I was a beta user for Microsoft Office 2000. 

THEN Microsoft decided, “Well we can just release the betas charge people $300, install something that automatically reports all the problems back to us if they’re on the net, and then issues so many patches it will render all but the most powerful machines nigh useless.”  Sigh.

There it is, you want me to quit bitching about Microsoft?  Tell your bosses to release actual finished software instead of betas, for which they charge too fucking much.  The end.

Next, I just got my first troll on the podcast (no, I haven’t unhidden his comment).  He’s so cute!  I just want to pinch his chubby little cheeks, run my fingers through his crazy sticky up neon hair and rub the jewel in his tummy!!!!

I think if girls want to get involved with roleplaying the best way they can do it is to convey snacks and beverages to the gaming table, preferably barefoot. On no account should they be allowed into a dungeon, they will take 20 minutes to parallel park their floating disk at the best of times and will start moaning as soon as they realise the game isn’t solely about them. Or taking their clothes off for attention.  (by Nerd)

Isn’t he just the most adorable and completely unoriginal little Troll you ever did see? 

Now, there are two possible explanations for this comment.  1. Is that he thinks he’s being ironic, and his imitation of douche-ness is just so spot on that we’re missing the satire.  Or 2. He’s sitting at home alone, waiting for puberty and is going to spend the rest of his life wondering why girls don’t like him.*

I’m leaning heavily toward 2 at this point.  Honestly, I just hope he never shoots up a health club like that asshole in Pennsylvania.  And that last bit about girls taking their clothes off for attention, does that sound the teeniest bit like wishful thinking to any of the rest of you?  Yeah, I thought so. 

I’ve always wondered whether it was masochism or pure entitlement that makes people come into spaces that are pretty much guaranteed to piss them off, and pee all over everything.  I mean, come on Dude, look at the title of the blog and podcast:  Geek GIRLS RULE!  I mean, you already know this is not your thing.  This would be like me going into a blog called “It’s so cute when women pretend to think” and being surprised at the rampant misogyny.  Is it some pathological plea for help?  Did mommy not love you enough?  What? 

On the other hand, thank you for one hell of a good laugh.  My keyboard may never be the same.

So, guys, share your best trolls with us.  Or even the best trolls and responses you’ve ever seen. 

*The ‘waiting for puberty’ comment stands regardless of whether he’s 13 or 30.