Hey, so in the big list of random shit going through my head right now, I’m really thinking of going ahead and reviving the GGR podcast over on Himalaya.  It seems like a fairly friendly podcast network.  And the podcasters I listen to who use it seem to like it.  I’ve never done the podcast network thing, just Libsyn, which kind of was but was mostly just a hosting service.  I’ll be looking into that.

I dropped my laptop on my foot today.  Which is probably better for the laptop than just straight up hitting the floor, but I have a huge purple bruise on the top of my foot now.

We picked up some J. Gasco Legendary Italian Vintage Drinks – Sparkling Violet.

OH MY GODS!  So good!!!!! It doesn’t actually taste very violet, but it is delicious, so I’m kind of ok with that.  It tastes a little more cucumbery, but sweeter.  I also picked up the Elderflower soda, so we’ll see how that is, too.

On the migraine front, I’m down to about 2-4 a month, which is much better than the 18-24 I’d been having.

Emotional state.

Now that I’m getting used to not being constantly in pain, depression’s been poking its ugly little nose in things again.  Most people who talk to me IRL, who I don’t know well, have no idea how bad it gets.  I’ve talked about the tricks I use to mask it so I’m not a “burden” to people.  Sometimes I feel like the living embodiment of the “Pagliacci the famous clown” joke.  I’m the funny, friendly one, why would anyone think anything is wrong.

I think if you listen to the targeted ads on the comedy channels on Pandora you can figure it out. (Hint: it’s all booze and rehab.)

So, this afternoon I sat in my room and ugly cried while listening to Off With Their Heads.  They’re a punk band, and their lead singer writes a lot about his depression.  And his and my depressions seem to have a lot of the same stupid symptoms.  “Clear the Air” is a good song to start with.

Shut up, it’s cathartic.

I do feel better after that.  Then the Geek Husband What Rules came up and made me look at cute cat pictures on the internet until my eyes quit being all puffy.  But sometimes you need to just settle into it for a good wallow to really get to terms with it.  Sometimes this will keep it from getting bad.  Sometimes not.  Not sure which this time will be.

Also made a decision to not pursue a promotion at this point.  I could.  There’s a chance I might even get it.  But I think I want to take some time to focus on blogging and writing, and just get to a point where my job is just a job.  I don’t really want any form of office work as career.  And while we could use the money, I don’t think I’m ready to make any real moves that direction.  Not now.  Not just yet.  Maybe in a few months or year.

Part of me, the part raised in a capitalist society, wants to call this failure.  But honestly, I think taking a year to rebuild myself where I’m at is probably the smartest thing I could do.  I’m still finding shit I fucked up while in the throes of the migraines.  Sooo….  Yeah….

Let me know if you think I should repost some of the old GGR podcasdts interspersed with the new ones.  Or just start anew.

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