Guys, there is a lot going on.
First, I’ll try to quit gushing about the lack of migraines. But it feels like a miracle right now. So it’s going to slip in.
Also, given my last post, let me reassure you that you guys are my only sponsors. I’m just really happy to see a company promise size inclusivity, and then follow through.
But really what we need to talk about is that more and more people in the gaming industries are being exposed as sexual harassers or rapists. The composer for the Elder Scrolls MMORPG, and Guild Wars has been accused of rape.
Zoe Quinn, who was attacked online by a vengeful ex and his creepy little buddies forming Gamergate, reported that she was sexually abused by the creator of Night in the Woods. They detailed a relationship they had with the man, that rapidly turned abusive, and that they hadn’t said anything out of fear, until multiple other women started coming forward with their own stories of abuse.
So, once again I would like to talk about why it is easier to accuse dozens of women of lying, rather than one dude who has WAY MORE REASON to lie. The problem comes from the fact that our society actively teaches everyone in it that women are fundamentally untrustworthy. From the Christian origin myth, to Pandora of Greek myth, our society has enshrined distrust of women and if you don’t believe me, follow any rape trial in the news.
Judges have accused children of seducing the adult men who raped them. Judges have gone through some amazing mental gymnastics to come up with reasons to give the very few rapists who are convicted the lightest sentences possible because they don’t believe the victims.
But you don’t even have to look at things like rape or sexual assault to see the evidence of this. The number of articles that pop periodically where a dude has either accompanied a female friend/partner at a distance so it didn’t l look like they were together, or has pretended to be a woman online and suddenly discovers that women are NOT in fact exaggerating the amount of bullshit they deal with.
Why the fuck would we lie about that shit?
And even the best hearted of men fall into that trap. The Geek Husband What Rules had a hard time believing that I got the amount of abuse I said I did, until I made him moderate comments here during the whole Dickwolves fiasco.
And then he pretended to be a woman on an irc sex channel. And wow, was that an eye opener for him.
Seriously, though, I will exaggerate a lot of things: the heat, the amount of laundry we need to do, how much coffee I drink and how much I spend on hair products.
But when it comes to dealing with bullshit from dudes, I, and most women, tend to downplay it, to tell you it’s less than it is, or that it upsets us less than it does because we don’t expect you to believe us, and we often don’t feel like having to recount every shitty thing that happens to us, AND we honestly blow off a lot of it and don’t even notice it.
The default in this society is to believe that women are lying or outright exaggerating.
And that needs to change.
It takes a phenomenal amount of courage to speak up when you KNOW that by doing so you have just committed to having your life torn apart, being subjected to years of abuse by faceless assholes online. And yes, a lot of victim-blaming is rooted in the Just World Hypothesis, that things happen for a reason and that if something bad happens to someone they must have deserved it or brought it on themselves. It’s also because people really hate having to deal with the realization that Joe Cool who they’ve gamed with for X-many years and was in their wedding is a serial rapist. Easier to assume the whore is lying, and that other bitch, and that stupid slag over there, and, and, and…
All of this is made easier by the fact that we actively teach the distrust of women in our culture.
If you like what you read here, or want to help fund bail money for the next time someone asks me if I’m “sure I want to call it rape,” please consider donating using the link at the top right of the page: Keep Us Geeking, or checking out my Patreon. Thank you!
Also, if you’d like to see what sort of fiction I write when left to my own devices, please feel free to check out my fiction Patreon, Nothing Nice Comes Out of My Head.