It’s like having a knife-fight in a phone booth. Terrible plan.
But man, sometimes people are WRONG on the internet.
Gah. I’ve made strides in pulling away from my inner pedant, but it’s hard. It’s also super hard when it’s toxic, sexist bullshit, regardless of who is spouting it.
Yeah, look at me and all those windmills to tilt at.
So, now is the time where we self-care a little. I’m lucky enough to have some fantastic friends like Misha Bushyager from New Agenda Publishing, who took some time out of her already ridiculously busy days to filter my replies and @s on Twitter so I didn’t sink into an even darker pit.
Time for some real talk about mental health.
Some of this is new, some of it is not.
I was clinically diagnosed with Depression in my teens. In my early 40s my doctors added the anxiety piece. I have spent several years dealing with these things. Lately my meds had been less effective, so I thought, well, since I have to go off them to try something new anyway, let’s take a look at what my baseline is.
My baseline sucks.
Seriously. It’s been a rough week or two, and honestly, my deteriorating mood is likely why I decided to pick some of the fights I did. Or at least HOW I did it. I mean, even in a fully good state of mind, I still would have gone after the sexists, but because I was not firing on all cylinders emotionally, I handled it way worse than I could have.
It’s hard to be gentle with others when you need it for yourself.
Especially when you’re not so good at being gentle with yourself in the first place.
I’m going to try to stick to some happy posts for a week or two until I hit some semblance of equilibrium. I’ll get fight-y again when it isn’t triggering a rage spiral.
So, yeah, I’m making an effort to be honest about my mental health issues A. so that other people know they aren’t alone, and B. I’m not ashamed of them.
Sometimes I’m ashamed of the shit I do because of them, but there’s no shame in biochemical imbalances. It isn’t a thing you can help. It’s a thing you cope with, and that far too many of us try to cope with alone and in silence because of how society depicts and treats mental illness.
Just know that you can always talk to me honestly about your mental stuff and I’m not going to judge you for it. I may tell you what I think of some of the things you do because of it, but I won’t judge that you have it. Mine tend to turn me either into a weepy mess or a rage-fueled asshole.
I’m not real fond of either of those people, but they are both me.
There’s nothing artistic or righteous about suffering when you don’t have to. You aren’t doing yourself or anyone else any favors by not taking care of yourself. Trust me. Been there, done that, burned so many fucking t-shirts.
Be gentle with yourself, and get help, even if it’s just someone to talk to. I know what healthcare is like in this country, especially mental healthcare. It’s a disgrace. But it is the system we have and we have to work within it as well as we can until we fix it.
So, shine on you crazy diamonds.
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