No one volunteered their stories of nerd epiphanies, so I guess that means I’m blowing my cool fifty on something I can review here. Feel free to suggest things you’d like to see me review.
The new job is blissful.
I’ll just leave it at that.
But the world is not. And one thing I have heard far too many geek dudes crying out is that they don’t understand what is going on. Why are women angry? How do they navigate this new playing field where lady-identified people are TELLING about the shit things dudes have been doing to us all along?
You shut up and listen, and learn.
The other day while discussing the Kavanaugh hearings, I found myself starting to cry as I told someone, “She destroyed her LIFE to tell the truth about this guy. The rest of her life is going to be unending death and rape threats. It will be difficult to hold a job. She’s going to get doxxed and threatened until she dies.”
I don’t think dudes really get how awful navigating the world as a woman can be.
We so very carefully try to curate the dudes we surround ourselves with, at least after we’ve been burned a few times, after the world has scuffed all our new, shiny innocence off. For a lot of us, that shit happens before junior high.
And a lot of dudes are blind to the fact that women log and remember everything they do BECAUSE WE HAVE TO. We have keep this tally of “How safe am I really around this guy?” in our heads ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
“Rape joke, hmmm, ok…” Chips away a little trust.
“Women are shallow…” Chips away a little more.
“All women lie about rape.” Ok, we need to jettison this asshole as soon as we safely can.
Even when we’re chill girls, exceptional girls who aren’t like all those other girls, we keep that tally in the back of our heads, again, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO.
Because it’s the best chance we’ve got against half the population who could turn on us at any time like the rabid animals they compare themselves to when trying to excuse the horrific shit they do to us, or think is funny or justified when it’s done to us.
I’ve been blogging about geek culture from a feminist perspective for more than 15 years now.
I was really hoping I’d be done by now.
That all these nerd dudes who view themselves as superior to those other guys, would in fact, BE superior to all those other guys.
But you’re not.
At least not enough of you are.
I have spent the last couple of weeks reviewing things and trying to keep things light, because the rest of the world is a fucking shitshow. The people in power keep demonstrating that they don’t think women are people, that sexual assault ain’t no big thing, that we’re prizes, chattel, and walking incubators with fleshlight attachments.
Yeah, it’s pretty fucking depressing.
Now try navigating it as a woman. A woman who is frequently outnumbered by dudes when it comes to her hobbies and interests.
Try keeping a smile on your face when people you know and love tell you to your face that their ability to keep their bang-bang toys (no one’s taking your guns, guys, sit the fuck down) is more important than your personhood. That their adolescent crush on Ayn Rand is more important than your bodily autonomy.
Yes, we’re fucking angry.
Because two and a half years ago the country told us that they’d rather vote a RAPIST into office than the middle of road, honestly, pretty right leaning, female Democratic candidate. That the fact that she gave them confused boners and made them flashback on their moms telling them not to do that in front of company, meant that they threw us under the fucking bus.
And don’t get me started on the 51% of “nice, white ladies” who voted for that shitbag. If you think I’m mad now, oooo, son, you have no idea what angry is.
And when we’re angry, justifiably so, about all this shit, you look at us with big sad eyes and plead with us to explain it to you, and reassure you that you aren’t “one of those guys,” and #NotAllMen.
We’re not doing that anymore.
We cannot spare the energy.
We’re treading water as hard as we can and working to elect people who don’t view The Handmaid’s Tale as a How-To manual.
We don’t want you to put us on pedestals, or grind us underfoot.
We’d really like it if you’d pick up your part of this fucking burden, or even just give us a rest once in awhile.
We’re angry, and we’re scared.
And no one should have to destroy her life to tell the truth about a monster.
I really wish I could have kept this light-hearted and fun, but you know what? Given how this blog was born, I think this is a better 500th post than any review, or wink and nudge commentary.
15+ years of telling the patriarchy to stick it, and all I have is 500 blog posts and a raging case of anxiety.
If you like what you read here, or want to help finance the years of therapy needed to survive this bullshit, please consider donating using the link at the top right of the page: Keep Us Geeking, or checking out my Patreon. Thank you!
Also, if you’d like to see what sort of fiction I write when left to my own devices, please feel free to check out my fiction Patreon, Nothing Nice Comes Out of My Head.