So, you know that post I did ages ago about how the best thing about being an adult is that you can do all the shit you wanted to do as a kid, and no one can stop you because you are the boss of your money, for good or ill.
So a couple of weekends ago, the Martian and I went to Gargoyles in the U-district. Where we spent an unreasonable amount of money on several things, including yard decorations.
Seriously, that thing looks so cool there!!
Yeah, we bought like five skulls to place randomly around the yard, because this makes us happy.
Not the best shot, but there are two skulls in this picture.
So, yeah, we had a blast picking out skulls to place around the yard. Fortunately the yard service the Martian hired is very easy going about things like finding random skulls hiding under shrubs.
Ok, that one was just too cool to not get, and he matches my planters so well.
This one you’ll recognize if you follow my fiction Patreon.
So, yeah, basically my geeky gardening tips are:
1. Do not overcommit. If you aren’t going to have time to maintain a bunch of fussy flowerbeds or landscaping, don’t. It will look worse than if you, say, rip it all out and plant your yard with a native wildflower mix.
2. Choose decorations that will not be destroyed by exposure to the elements. Four of the skulls are resin, the other is concrete.
3. Make sure that you don’t live anywhere with restrictive HOAs or covenants.
4. Also, make sure that you don’t live somewhere where lawn decorations are likely to be stolen, or if you do, make sure they are too heavy or anchored too well to be easily stolen.
5. A lot of different sources will tell you to make sure you have a solid or cohesive theme. I am not one of those places. Do whatever the hell you want. If you want to adhere to a theme, do that. If not, don’t. Seriously. We have plans, and many of them include morbid stuff like the skulls, Victorian stuff like gazing globes, birdbaths, and galvanized steel tubs as planters. If we can figure out how to anchor it securely, we’re putting a gargoyle on the roof.
Where do you find this wacky shit, you may ask?
As mentioned above, in Seattle we have Gargoyles. We also have Molbak’s Nursery which is very into “whimsy.” And they have a fantastic selection of plants, they’re a local company, and they have cool birdbaths.
For those of you not blessed with a plethora of wacky sculpture and gardening stores, there is always Design Toscano. I mean, where the hell else are you going to find a five foot tall triceratops statue for your yard? Or a five foot tall raptor? I love Design Toscano, but there’s a reason I tend to refer to it as “really tacky shit for people with more money than sense or taste.” Don’t get me wrong. Some of that tacky shit is fantastic and I really want to hang the pteranodon from one of our trees, even if it does not have feathers. I am a little sad they no longer have the fuck off huge apatosaurus statue. It was more than 10 feet tall if I remember correctly.
This article talks about creating fairy gardens, and lists several retailers who sell teeny little houses and furniture for said gardens.
Anyway, I hope I’ve given you some geeky gardening ideas and tips.
You don’t even need a yard. If you have an apartment with a balcony, or outward facing windows with deep sills, that can work, too.
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