Geek Girls Rule #468 – Review: Heist Tights

This is for my cosplayers, and/or my girly-girls. 

So, I read this article about how this engineer listened to his wife and her friends complaining about tights and pantyhose, then really looked at them and realized that they weren’t well-designed at all, and that there was definitely room for improvement.

Thus, Heist tights were born.

Ok, guys, these tights are amazing!  I’ve taken to referring to them as the Magical German Tights.

I’m a solid size 22, and I can count on one hand the number of tights brands I have found that don’t fit poorly, aren’t too short and give you penguin crotch, or aren’t too tall and give you elephant knees and ankles.  And I’ll be honest, usually some time after I fall in love with them, some asshole CEO or Accountant decides that they’ve obviously been spending too much money on making these, and they start to suck.

Common problems are:

  • Running or holing first time you put them on
  • Running or holing BEFORE the first time because the adhesive labels the company uses have eaten through the material
  • Thigh/Chub Rub – essentially cheese grater-ing your inner thighs
  • The aforementioned Penguin Crotch or Elephant knees
  • Waistbands that dig in, or if you buy a size up, slide down
  • Just really itchy uncomfortable material
  • Will fit all the way up your legs, but not over your ass
  • Or just don’t come in plus sizes at all

So, I was skeptical, but I had gotten some Christmas money and decided I could blow $35+shipping from Germany to see if these tights were really all that.

They, in fact, were all that and a bag of chips.

Ok, first the packaging is adorable. Your Heist tights come in a pink box inside a plastic envelope that is clear but has little cartoon ladies in various poses, in many different colors, including a woman wearing a hijab.

Inside the adorable pink box, your tights are inside black paper envelopes that The Martian says look like they should have the Oscar Winners in them.  Inside these envelopes your tights are wrapped around a piece of cardstock that has care instructions, and instructions for how to properly get into your stockings (i.e. bunch them up one leg at a time, pull over your toes and gradually let them unbunch as you slide them up).  They also come with a cute little cotton dust bag for storage.

Yes, very cute, but how do they wear?

Like they were woven from unicorn hair.

I shit you not, these are hands down the most comfortable tights I have ever put on my body.

The material stretches in all directions, not just up/down. It feels smooth, soft even.


The waistband is a good six inches wide, and you can either wear it pulled high, or let. it ride fairly low on your hips if you have a really exaggerated hourglass figure like I do.  It does not dig in. It does not cut your torso in half.

I’ve worn my original pair five times now. I’ve hand washed them three times and used a lingerie bag and the delicate cycle twice.  I just bought two more pairs.

I love these things.

Magical German Tights.  Not even kidding.

Sometimes after you wear a pair of tights a few times, the chub rub will magically appear like, “Oh, these were great the first three times I wore them, but time #4 my thighs bled.”  And you don’t even have to be plus size for this to happen.  Trust me. Most women’s thighs touch.  It’s true.

But so far, wear #5 and nary a sign of it.

I’ve been wearing the 50 denier black tights.  I get a size 22 which is the top of their sizes.  I’m hoping they’re going to carry their nudes up to a 22 (currently they carry up to their 18-20, which I could probably get away with), and I am desperate to find out if those are as comfortable as the 50s.

So, yeah, if you’re a Cosplayer or just like dressing femme and up to a size 22, check these guys out. Also, consider emailing them to let them know that you would like to give them money if you are a size bigger than 22.

They are pricey, I think the cheapest are $30, but worth it.  I told the Geek Husband What Rules, “If these things only fulfill half their promises, they will be worth it.”

Also, five wearings no holes, no snags, no runs. So freaking great.  I love them.  I plan on buying more as the budget allows, after we are done with the Enemy of Sleep’s treatments.

However, there are some downsides. They have exceptionally limited shades, especially in the nudes, at least so far: Light and Dark.  That’s it.  And they tend to sell out, or that’s what I assume is going on when certain sizes cease being available, and then come back later.  They’re a new company, so they’re still developing their production flow, I feel.  And shipping from Germany.  It doesn’t cost a lot, but it can take a LOOOOOONNNNGGG time.  My first order took over a month.  This one took just a week and a half.

If you can afford $30-$38 a pair for tights/pantyhose, and fit within their size range, I highly recommend them.

If you like what you read here, please consider donating at the “Keep Us Geeking” link at the top right, or checking out my Patreon.  Thanks!

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