The BGFITW and the Martian took me out to see Avengers Infinity War Saturday for my birthday.

Ok, I was trepidatious as fuck about this one, because as with Civil War, this is not one of my favorite storylines.

Seriously, guys, there are soooo many, much better storylines to choose. Ugh.

Basically, it was meh.  The special effects were pretty.  There were a few pretty good moments.  But for the most part none of the characters got enough screen time or development for me to care much.  For a film with this high a body count, which included several of my favorites, it should have left me a weeping mess.  Seriously, I am the lowest of low hanging fruit when it comes to making me cry.  Long distance commercials have done it. And fuck that Sarah MacLachlan SPCA commercial.

I think I teared up once, and cried once.  And that one time was kind of a cheap shot. They did get me with a few jump scares, but overall while I still like it better than Civil War,* I think it took far more liberties with the source material for worse reasons.

The Russo Brothers did what they could with what they were handed, I’m sure.  Undoubtedly, the initial scripts were an even bigger mess.  And I get it, bring in the big guns to try to save something…  But you’re just wasting them.  And as I said above, there are so many better storylines that involve even just the Avengers.

Below here there be SPOILERS.

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Problem #1: As stated above, no one got enough screen time or character development to make the deaths meaningful.  I mean, Steve and Bucky are my OTP,** and Bucky vanishing did nothing to me.  I sob like a baby every time he falls from the train in the First Avenger.  This time, it meant nothing, and honestly, Steve’s reaction looked as lackluster as mine felt.  Given that he has literally destroyed the fuck out of everything to save Bucky, there should have been a shit ton of scenery chewing in that scene.  “No! No! Bucky, no!” Anything other than the Kathy Ireland trademark look of dull surprise. (Ok, I’m old.  But MST3K did an episode around Unnecessary Roughness. It’s actually not a bad movie, but that woman cannot act.)

And honestly, their reunion should have been more than it was, just more.

Problem #2: They tried to make Thanos a sympathetic villain.  Bad idea, guys.  A. He’s a Titan and functionally immortal, his mind is so far removed from ours that not really grasping his motivations is ok.***  B. Just fucking no.  What works for the marginalized and oppressed (Killmonger) or those ground down by uncaring bureaucracy (the Vulture) does not work for the ruling class/godlike beings.  Just no.

Problem #3:  Who the fuck is writing Bruce Banner in this movie?  I had thought Ragnarok’s characterization was a little out of character, but this one was… wow.

Problem #4:  Peter’s death, and death scene, was just cheap and overwrought.

Honestly, if you wanted to do this one right.  Do a movie per stone, and release them on a truncated schedule.  Or make a TV/Cable miniseries. There is nothing in this film that cannot go on cable TV or even network TV.  Have you seen American Horror Story?

So, yeah.  Again, while I still like it better than Civil War, that’s not saying much.  And I really hate to say this, but I think Civil War was a better and more cohesive movie. (And the more I think about it, I think this one is starting to nudge Civil War out of last place.)  I was pretty disappointed in this one, even with Captain Daddy and Bucky being in it.

*I just really hate Mark Millar’s writing.  

**One True Pairing (a term in fic for a pair of characters you desperately want to see together)

***This is also my problem with the way media often portrays angels and the Fae.  Both of these things are/should be pants-shittingly scary, guys.  

 

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