Saw The Last Jedi last night.  And I would like to start this review with a measured and mature response to the film’s critics.

Ahem.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way.

I really enjoyed it.  I thought it was great.  I thought it did a fantastic job of building tension and suspense.  I think the cast are still amazing, although it did make me cry super hard seeing Space Mom again, and so close to the anniversary of her death.

The cinematography was amazing.  The scenes on the mining planet were just gorgeous.  The island scenes, all of it.  Loved it.

And after here lie spoilers, but since I’m one of the last people on earth to see this film, I can’t imagine many of you are too worried about that.

So…

THE FUCKING SCENE WHERE VICE ADMIRAL HOLDO GOES TO LIGHT SPEED THROUGH SNOKE’S SHIP!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Ok, so I don’t have all of it out of my system.

I do actually want to do a substantive, sort of, review concerning some of the points that the haters bring up.  No, it isn’t the hero’s journey, it has a lot of similarities, but there are also several differences.  The first and foremost being that the protagonist is a woman, and if you don’t think that’s driving at least some (a lot, much, most) of the hate, you’d be so fucking wrong.

And also one of the least observant human beings since ever.

While Luke was kind of a whiny kid, Rey was tough, determined to survive, and competent from the beginning.  Luke has Ben Kenobi and then Yoda.  Rey has… Rey. Luke teaches her a few things, but he knows she’s going to be able to do it on her own.  Neither Obi Wan nor Yoda seemed to feel that way about Luke.

Second, Rey is not a lost scion.  She came from nothing.  She isn’t Luke’s long lost anything. No one’s been looking out for her.  She’s a wild talent, something that is apparently far more common than the original movies would have us believe.  We’ve seen glimmers of it, with Finn appearing somewhat Force-sensitive in Episode VII.  That egalitarian idea that everyone’s got a connection to the Force also appears to be frosting a few cookies out there.

Third, when it says, “Burn it down,” it means it, in a way.  They don’t need a Jedi “institution.”  They need people who can and will fight the good fight.  And let’s face it, for all their flaws, the prequels showed us, and remember Lucas made those, that the Jedi were badly, badly flawed in their approach to just about everything.*  It’s a statement that while you do need some history to let you know a thing is possible, you do not need to let yourself be strangled by tradition to do it.  I think that’s one of the big messages.

Fourth, ok, I do not see where people are coming off calling it slow in parts. I didn’t feel l like it dragged at all.  But I don’t know if that’s a fight we need to have.

Fifth, Vice Admiral Holdo was perfection, and SHE DID NOT OWE POE AN EXPLANATION.  Moving on…

Sixth, Porgs are adorable and I will hear nothing against them.  They did not add to the plot, but neither did they detract from it.  Also, I find it hilarious that their solution to the problem of Puffins was giving them all little digital costumes.  And if any of you want to bitch about how they’re a marketing ploy, so fucking what?  I believe I have told you about the Princess Leia doll, I had as a kid.  My sister had a Darth Vader. My husband had all the action figures,  an AT-AT and we have a vintage Millennium Falcon sitting on a shelf in our living room. The SECOND the first movie became a success the marketing machine started, and starting to whine about it now, makes you a hypocrite, so stop it.

Seventh, if you are just going to keep getting your knickers in a twist because girls can be Jedis, Imma need you to burn a lot of your expanded universe shit.  There have been female Jedi for quite some time now.  Stop being a misogynist asshole.

Eighth, ok, that was a long movie and it is past my bedtime already.  So, I’m just going to leave you with this: IF it upsets you that little girls and women get to see themselves as heroes, regardless of your gender, you need to do some soul-searching and figure out why that is.  Then work on that, and join us in the 21st century, darling.  Because it’s only going to keep getting better.

Seriously, Vice Admiral Holdo pulled that off while looking flawless in that gown.  FLAWLESS.

Also, women age.  We all do.  Even Scarlett Johansson’s gonna get wrinkles one day, guys.  Seeing older women be integral to the plot in their own right was WONDERFUL.

Geek Girl OUT!

*Seriously, I can go on for DAYS about how fucked up the Jedi council was.  DAYS!!!!!!!

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