Geek Girls Rule! #540 – Well, this is a Clusterfuck

Ok, so I’ve spent the last 24 hours in migraine land, and hopefully this doesn’t tip me back in, but here goes.

We have reached the stage of gaming’s #MeToo where people have started to realize that they, or people they know have pretty much all given cover to some pretty shady assholes in the past.

I will say this again:  Abusers can be very charming, very personable, if they weren’t they wouldn’t be able to sucker in new victims.  And if they weren’t they couldn’t convince otherwise ethical people to take their side.

I’ll be honest, it’s going to take a long time to unwind all this mess, and for everyone to sort out who they can trust, who they should trust, and try to figure out what honest to gods rehabilitation looks like.

This applies in a lot of areas.

The other day I heard saw someone complaining about dredging up things people said in the past, and condemning them for them. Whereas this person thinks that there is or should be a statute of limitations on being held accountable for your bullshit, I am disinclined to agree.

NOT saying or doing horrific bullshit is not enough on its own.  In addition to no longer verbalizing racist, sexist, homophobic, etc… things, you also need to to walk the walk.  What are you doing to address the harm you did?

A lot of people have gotten savvy enough to keep their mouths shut, it doesn’t mean they aren’t still quietly undermining women, POC, queer folks, etc…  You have to look at what they’ve done in the interim since they publicly said the bullshit.  Have they supported women’s causes, boosted POC voices, lobbied for queer rights?

Or have they just managed to not drop any n-bombs publicly? Have they merely managed not to actively support any rapists or other shitheads?

An example of this is Patton Oswald.  He used to talk a lot of shit about “snowflakes” and people being too sensitive. And then he got it.  I can’t remember what it was that tipped the scales, but it was before his wife died, and suddenly he realized he’d been a giant shithead, and started trying to do better.  And I think he has, enough that I’ll consume his media again, anyway.  So redemption IS possible, you just actually have to make an effort.

It’s going to take some time for this whole thing to shake out.  There’s a lot coming out about who knew what when, or did what when.  And there’s a lot of damage control being done.

Basically what I’m saying is be kind to yourselves, Take your time, don’t leap to any knee jerk reactions, although gods know I’ve pulled a few so far. Look at people’s actions since, see how or if they’ve made amends, or worked toward making that situation better.

Trust me, I’m the last person to endorse forgiveness without a lot of effort on the offenders part.  And I don’t necessarily think they should be forgiven.  If you feel you can risk yourself, and think they’ve earned it, go ahead and give them a chance.  But if you can’t, or you don’t think they have, do not feel bad about not giving them that chance.  You have to protect yourself first and foremost.

Now, I’m going to take some migraine meds and pass out again.  Everyone have a good night.

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