Sooo, the Arisia Committee has some ‘splainin’ to do, as I and a bunch of other folks wait for their response to the accusation by a former chair that they value the services of a rapist over the safety and services of his victim.
I believe the victim.
I stand with the victim.
And I am incredibly disappointed that a convention that has been praised to me as feminist has dropped the ball on this.
Look, I get it. As a culture we are conditioned to disbelieve accusations of rape, particularly when the person committing the rape is someone we have gotten along with, often because we have something they want, like, say cache in a community.
That said, as recent events have demonstrated, women have far more to lose by accusing a man of rape than that man has to lose on the very rare occasions that he might be charged and/or found guilty.
“I would know if X was a rapist.”
No, you wouldn’t. Not if he decided he didn’t want you to. The myth that rapists are awkward, socially inept guys is just that, a myth. Most sexual predators are incredibly facile with people, and manipulative as fuck.
Not using a condom when your partner has not consented to not using a condom, is sexual assault.
Continuing to have sex after your partner tells you they don’t want this, is sexual assault.
I don’t care if it started out consensual. The minute your partner says, “No” or “Stop” or “I don’t want this” or “You’re hurting me” you fucking stop.
Removing a condom without a partner’s knowledge or consent is also sexual assault. Because if they knew you didn’t have it on, they wouldn’t let you fuck them. So, yes, “Stealthing,” is sexual assault.
Seriously, nerds, we’re supposed to be fucking smarter than this.
It breaks my heart that yet another woman is being pushed out of the community because it’s too burdensome to believe her, to protect her.
I’m so fucking over this.
I believe her.
I stand with her.
And Arisia, you had better come through with one fucking amazing response to this.
#TimesUp
Geek Girls Rule!!! 
And I’m getting really tired of communities/organizations that don’t want to lose the talent and contributions of the abuser while being blind to the dozens of other talented contributors who leave or don’t even show up because of the abuse-tolerant culture they are preserving.
Thank you for this post.
A month later, Arisia still hasn’t apologized to me or the other survivors who’ve come forward.
So, um, I’m losing faith in their ability to have an amazing response to the situation. They did fire and ban my rapist. They’ve reopened their previous decision about Maura’s rapist, apparently. They’ve elected a couple of new people onto the board, true. But I feel like prioritization of harm reduction for the survivors would have an apology as the first step, or at least an early step, not a last consideration. And even if harm reduction isn’t the top priority, it really seems like it should’ve been a higher priority than today’s reminder to get flu shots before the con happens in January. 😦
Sorry for the delay in approving this. And thank you for your comment. I hope they manage to pull it together.