So, this weekend in Seattle it hit 90 degrees Fahrenheit.  I don’t know if you know anything about Seattle, but we are giant weenies about extremes of weather on either end of the spectrum.

It’s temperate here most of the time, just like we like it.

However, for a few weeks out of the year, it will hit 90 degrees or above, and we turn into a bunch of whiny wilting lilies.

A point in defense of the whining is that because it is so rarely that hot, very few houses in the area have air conditioning.

Every year the first week it hits 80s drug stores, department stores and hardware stores sell out of fans and portable air conditioning units.  Without fail.  Honestly, when we have a fan break down, I typically buy them in the off season, so I can A. find them, and B. they’re cheaper.

Anyway, so you’re living in the Nerd Capital of the World and the thermometer crests 85 degrees.  What do you do?

Go to the movies.  Most movie theaters, especially the nice new ones, have air conditioning.  Many have air conditioning intense enough that you may want to bring a sweater.  If you’re lucky, you live by one that also serves booze and is playing Wonder Woman or anything from the MCU (excepting Civil War, ugh, terrible).

Go to the mall.  Much like theaters, most malls are air conditioned, and because of the popularity of geek culture often have nerd themed stores.  Here in Seattle, we have a ThinkGeek store.  And if you think the website is dangerous, wow.  (Demonstrating my age, I remember when Think Geek had their very first store, in a teeny little storefront in a business park in Redmond, WA in the 1990s.  I worked in the next building.) Also, you can hang out in the mall without buying anything for a long ass time.

Go grocery shopping.  Nerds gotta eat, too.  Freezer section, just saying.

Go to the Library.  Libraries are frequently air conditioned.  Also, free for the more broke among us.

This one is a little dicey…

Go comic or book shopping.  See, if all you have is a national chain, then yes, it is going to be air conditioned.  Small, independent stores are less likely to be air conditioned in Seattle.  However, I know in places where it tends to be hot for more of the year, many of them will also be air conditioned.  Or you can pull my asshole move, which is go to big chain bookstore, take photos of what you want with your phone or make a list while you get out of the heat, and buy them on coolers days at local independent bookstores.

And this last one is incumbent on the kindness of your friends, but, if you have a home with a serviceable basement or are in a basement apartment, host a game day.  This is the one time of year that everyone envies you that shitty cave you live in with no windows that smells vaguely of earth.  We have an awesome basement, and intend to host many game and movie days this summer.  Because we are good and kind-hearted people who hate leaving our home.

And, of course, there are always options like going kayaking while pretending to be on an epic quest.  Taking turns pretending to be the Kraken in swimming pools and lakes.  And buying yourself a kiddie pool, filling it with water and ice and reading fantasy novels on your phone while splashing water over your chest with your free hand, not that I’ve ever done that or anything. .

Don’t forget the sunblock.

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