EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I’m calm.

Ahem.

So, speaking of Superheroes, the Geek Room-mate What Rules took me and the Geek Husband What Rules to see The Avengers for my birthday this weekend.  Now, I realize that there are a few people out there who are not so pleased with the movie, but let me clarify what it was I wanted from this film:

1.  Superheroes
2.  Explosions
3.  Weapon porn
4.  The Avengers punch evil in the face.

In the course of the movie I received all of those things, and how!

Now, the thing that I did not expect, and did not receive:

An excess of plot

Dude!  It’s a comic book movie.  If you’re looking for a deep and meaningful exploration of the human condition and the fragility of the human ego granted power writ large, go read the Watchmen.  (I still haven’t seen the movie because I’m afraid it will make me cry with disappointment.)  If you want Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk, Black Widow, and Hawkeye punching evil in the FACE!, then watch this movie.

I’m not going to spoil anything by saying that Loki (Tom Hiddleston, still hot) connives with an alien race from the far reaches of space, and with the aid of the “tesseract” opens a portal.  Aliens pour in, people die (mostly not on camera) and there’s lots of punching.  LOTS of punching.  And shooting.  And explosions.  Have I mentioned explosions?  Because they are lovingly rendered in great detail.

Black Widow was beautifully fleshed out as a character in this movie, and I’m really warming up to Scarlett Johannson in that role.  The scene in the Russian warehouse is one of my favorites.  My other favorite would be a little spoilery, so I won’t tell you.  But you’ll know it when you see it.

And Dr. Bruce Banner/The Hulk was great.  I like the actor they chose.  I like the way he talked about “the other guy.”  And as for the scenes between him and Tony Stark in the lab, well the fan fic practically writes itself.

And I now have the biggest crush on Hawkeye.  A. I love that actor, Jeremy Renner, he was brilliant in The Unusuals a show produced during the writer’s strike that lasted one series, and that I’ve reviewed here before.  B. HAWKEYE!!!!  C.  He uses a bow.

Ok, mini-dissertation on why we love superheroes.  We love superheroes we can relate to on some level.  This is why Spiderman is so popular.  Kind of poor nerd who sucks with women makes good and gets laid, right?  Yeah, yeah, great power and great responsibility and all that, but really, what I just said, that’s what sucks in the vast majority of fanboys, because they relate.  Now, I love Nightcrawler to pieces, but mostly because he’s hot and everything I’d wished the guys I’d dated until then had been, instead of either abusive dickheads or self-absorbed asshole metal musicians.  Thing is, I’ve never really had a superhero I loved because I related well to them.  I mean, I like Wolverine because he’s surly.  I like the White Queen because she’s unapologetic about her sexuality.  But I’VE never had a Spiderman.

Hawkeye is my Spiderman, I think.  And this may seem kind of a shallow reason, but it’s the bow.  (You really didn’t think you were going to get through one of these columns without story time, did you?)  When I was at my least popular, my “best friend” had turned on me, rumors were thick and fast all over the junior high that my virgin self had slept with the whole football team and some of the male teachers, and going to school was, as I’ve outlined before, an exercise in pain and torture that the Guantanamo guys could have learned from, my Dad decided I needed a hobby, and on a whim bought me a Golden Eagle recurve bow.  I started out, as I had with the pellet gun, shooting at paper plates, but once I was hitting the plate more often than not, Dad switched me over to the metal ends of frozen orange juice cans. Between practicing flute and practicing with my bow, I was busy for hours on end and safely out of the reach (mostly) of my tormentors.  So, I have a very deep relationship with my bow (current bow is a Fred Bear Tamerlane, which is, on top of being an excellent recurve bow, a beautiful piece of woodwork).

One last thing about the movie though, and this last bit is Spoilery so don’t read it if you haven’t seen the movie and it’s far enough down that it won’t show up on the front page.

 

SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jilli and I don’t think Agent Coulson is actually dead.  Because there was no funeral, and also we know Nick Fury is a manipulative asshole.  I mean, he’s our manipulative asshole, but he’s a manipulative ass, so there is a possibility Agent Coulson will be back, and I hope so!  I love his character.
“Phil?  His first name is ‘Agent’.”

/spoiler

Also, “Hulk, smash!”

 

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