THEY FUCKED UP ZARTAN!!!!!
ETA: I have been informed that Zartan does not look like the orange-haired green nightmare below. Unfortunately, I can’t find ANY other pictures of him from the film.
From the moment I heard about this project all I could think was, “It’s gonna have Zartan, and he’s gonna be played by Arnold Vosloo! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
Then I went and saw the publicity shots.
The hell?
Seriously. So, for a character that has looked like this for the majority of his presence in the comics and cartoons:
Or quite possibly this:
Zartan does not look like this:
I realize I’m getting dangerously close to nerd raging over a relatively minor character in an obscenely long-running franchise here. But, gah! Seriously, they looked at the traditional look for Zartan, hood, black diamonds around eyes, and thought, “You know, I bet he would be REALLY cool if we made him green with orange hair and gave him an outfit that rivals David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust days. That’ll be hot.”
Ugh. So, yeah, no GI Joe for me. Sigh. Oh well… I can always watch the old 80s cartoon or read the comics, I guess. Plus there’s tons of fanfic and fanart out there if I get truly desperate. It’s just so disappointing. Zartan=awesome. Arnold Vosloo=awesome. This Zartan concept for the film? So far from awesome it couldn’t see it with the Hubble Space telescope.
Yes, yes, nerd rage, blah blah blah… It’s been a slow week for geek news.
In completely unrelated news: The kitten (Jimmie Superfly Snookums) loves pistachios. She’s insane for them. I told you this kitten was defective.
ETA2: Ok, so I did finally track down A still from the film. He’s just boring, not horrific. Actual movie Zartan:
- See, just boring, not horrific.
Sigh. A perfectly good nerd rage, wasted on nothing. Think I’ll go post another angry rant about Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.
Geek Girls Rule!!! 
But still! Arnold Vosloo!
Not enough. Not in that costume.
A better reason not to see it would have been how much it sucked.
Despite Zartan’s boringness, you still don’t want to see G.I. Joe. No childhood raping for me, but still a really bad movie. Just stick with the music video that you posted a while back.
An even better reason not to see G.I. Joe is that they made The Baronness into a LOVE INTEREST FOR DUKE. Just no.
I went, content with the knowledge that the plot would suck, but I’d at least get a kickass woman in black leather and glasses; I was blindsided by what they did to her character in the last 15 minutes. No amount of explosions can erase the horror.