So, the Geek Household What Rules does not currently have cable. There are many other things we’d rather spend our money on, and really all that happens when we have cable is I waste entire days watching terrible movies on Syfy, or Criminal Minds marathons on A&E. Between the lack of cable and the fact that we broke up with pro wrestling some time ago due to the egregious sexism, terrible writing, bad camera angles, and the fact that Dixie hired the cast of the Death of WCW at TNA, we just don’t pay it any mind anymore. We have some friends who still love it and they get the PPVs, so we go over to watch, make snarky comments and eat pizza and cookies. It’s a bonding thing.
Sunday was WWE’s Survivor Series, and I have to say, apart from CM Punk’s match with Alberto Del Rio, the PPV as a whole was pretty blah. It was nice to see the Rock back, but his and Cena’s match against the Miz and Truth was nothing special. The PPV started out with John Morrison -v- Dolph Diggler, which had potential, as Morrison’s current gimmick is he does parkour, and in another PPV that actually proved useful. But it wasn’t that great, and the awful persona they’ve written for Vicki Guerrero makes my teeth itch. The LumberJill match was, predictably, one actual talented wrestler (Beth Phoenix*) tossing a Barbie doll (Eve) around the ring, while the rest of the Divas gathered around the ring in the greatest atrocity against fashion since… the last PPV. The Big Show versus Mark Henry match was ok, but suffered from the thing all big guy matches suffer from, being slow. And I’m annoyed at the way they heeled Mark Henry. The actual Survivor match was notable and entertaining only in that they didn’t hand it to Orton, but to Steven Regal’s protege Wade Barrett, who has definitely mastered the art of the smellin’ bad cheese face.
Honestly, the only match we got at all excited about was the CM Punk -v- Del Rio match. The GHWR and I have been fans of CM Punk for some time, and we were initially glad when WWE took him on. And then not so glad because, as with all their actual talent, he was drastically under-utilized in favor of talentless jerks like Orton. Because, let’s face it, the WWE is the Good Ol’ Boys club to end all Good Ol’ Boys clubs. But he and Del Rio wrestled really well, and the match was incredibly dynamic. Nor was it hurt by a little exposed CM Punk hiney. He’s got a nice one. All five of us over there, jaded, bitter and disappointed wrestling fans that we are, all cheered when he won. Well, and when he had Howard Finkel come back to announce him, and Fink teared up a bit. That was awesome. Beyond awesome.
So, yeah, that was the PPV as far as I can recall. Or at least what was interesting to me.
However, after the PPV, our buddy pulled out this DVD he’d ordered from a newer fed called Chikara Pro.
HOLY CRAP are these guys good and entertaining!!!! Lots of Lucha Libre and Japanese style pro wrestling. Lots of high flying stuff. The owner of the fed, Quackenbush wrestles, but not like Vince McMahon started to. He apparently does it because he trained as a wrestler and started the fed in part to be able to wrestle all sorts of awesome wrestlers. We have the DVD of their 2010 season to watch, and it’s the one we watched part of after the PPV. We were all far more entertained by these guys. They were faster, quicker, had more moves. They were the wrestling equivalent of Deadpool. You know, breaking the fourth wall and all that. They know that you know that it’s scripted, and they’re out there to entertain you. They aren’t trying to build a mystique surrounding the fiction, they want you to enjoy the fiction with them. So there’s some guys with cheesy gimmicks (mostly), and the refs are part of the show, too. And everyone knows it.
The Colony is the best and funniest group wrestling gimmick ever. It’s three guys who dress like ants: Green Ant, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant.
They have guys like Hallowicked and Frightmare. Honestly, the bulk of their stable is masked. Some of their personas are hilarious, but they can all wrestle. You know, like back in TNA when Curry Man would show up periodically. And they have women. Who can wrestle. Against men. Really wrestle, not just pose in terrible, terrible spandex.
We laughed and cheered and squealed more in the fifteen minutes of DVD we watched than we had during the entire WWE PPV.
The WWE is becoming little more than a professional body building venue. Yeah, they can still wrestle, but you do not get musculatures like the one the Rock is now sporting without sacrificing mobility and stamina. When you have that little body fat, it’s not good for you. Good hair and “good” physiques will only get you so far. If you’re going to call yourself a wrestling federation, let’s see more wrestling, less talking, and fewer lingerie models rolling around on the mats pulling each other’s hair.
*I always feel so bad for the “Divas” who can wrestle when they have to throw a Barbie around the ring, and try to make it look good. That’s got to suck. Some of these women like Beth Phoenix and Nattie Neidhart have trained for years, and they are legitimate athletes. Yet, they have to “wrestle” Kelly Kelly. Gag.